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The ideal partner

Have you ever wondered who your ideal partner is? If yes, what kind of person should this be? Who is your ideal partner? Does he or she actually exist? Is it better to look out for a person who is most similar to you, or is it the person who is most dissimilar to you?

From your own experience or perhaps by observing your friends, you have probably witnessed the exuberance of falling in love with a partner who is very different to yourself. He or she might be very unconventional or eccentric, whereas you are more the conservative type. Or he or she tends to see everything in a positive light, while you tend to focus on the challenges of life. Sadly, the exuberance usually does not last very long. After a few months, it is quite common that we have changed our mind and regard those former endearing characteristics as immature, even embarrassing and disappointing. For example, the successful professional who we admired because he knew exactly what he wanted, has now turned into a person who works long hours and has no longer time to spend the evening or the weekend with us and we become utterly disappointed or demand that our partner changes his or her way.

Why are we attracted to people who are very different to us? Why is this so? Usually, because as human beings we want to expand our personality, we want to experience something new. And finding a romantic partner is the most pleasant and easy way to do just that. Let's assume that you always wanted to travel the world but were never brave enough to just pack up and leave. Then, suddenly, you meet someone who has done just that and is eager to travel again - but this time with you. I can guarantee you that you will find the person very attractive. Your new partner's world suddenly becomes your own world and for a while you are able to extend your own personality. You see everything with fresh eyes and you feel alive and massively invigorated, because your new partner gives you what you always wanted - at least for a while.

But there is a problem. While initially we feel very attracted to the otherness of our new partner, there is every chance that we become sick and tired of their novel traits. Differences can attract - but the reality is that we find these differences increasingly unattractive. Does this ring true for you? At this point in our relationship, we often demand of our partner to change into the person we want them to be. Of course, this is not going to happen -it cannot happen. You cannot change another person. It will never work. And so we become dissatisfied and disillusioned.

Is there a solution to the dilemma? There is. Studies with couples who have been married for a long time demonstrated that their secret to a successful relationship resulted in both being very similar in character, both having similar, even almost identical values, preferences and interests. The question of course is, were these couples similar to start with or did they gradually move towards each other? Regardless, the basis for an enduring, positive relationship seems to rest on the old saying 'birds of a feather flock together'. In principle, we all search for a partner who is very similar to us. It seems that only then can a partnership last a lifetime.

So, how do you find your ideal partner? The first step is to become clear who you are and what your dreams and wishes are for the present and the future. What convictions do you hold dear? What is important to you? What are your values, what are your preferences? Do you love children? Do you want children? Do you believe in God? What kind of person are you? Do you like socialising or do you prefer to spend time alone? Are you more extroverted or more introverted? What is really important in your life? Only when you have become aware of your own wishes and dreams should you start looking for a partner. And if you do, look for someone who is very similar to you.

If you are already partnered, accept your partner as he or she is and re-discover all the positive traits that attracted you to him or her in the first place. Whatever you do, don't demand of them to change into the person that you like them to be. Instead, if you really want to change something - then it has to be you. You are the only person you can change.

I wish you all the best for finding your ideal partner soon. Perhaps you have already found him or her and you are on the road to fulfil your dreams and wishes - together.

Medica Pura

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